Let’s breathe fire and magic together!
That’s the rallying cry from Heather Havrilesky/Ask Polly in response to a woman who keeps dating guys who won’t commit to her. I have a lot of amazing friends and patients who complain about the same predicament, and I never know what to say. I know I’ve posted about Ask Polly before, but I can’t help that she’s a genius who inspires me to live my best life. This one goes out to all of us who wish to stop selling ourselves out in large and small ways.
Here’s an excerpt (it’s full of curse words so Grandma, don’t read this post, go here!):
I’ve had a realization lately that sometimes I’m drawn to people who seem a little MEH about me, and I’m really questioning THAT right now. I’m really noticing how much I enjoy getting stuck in the quicksand of other people’s indifference. And because lately I’ve been singing in the kitchen and dancing and noticing the bright, shiny impulses of my big fucking brain more than usual, I’m struck by how weird it is that I’ve chosen to chase people who are lukewarm about me, and I’ve also — often — chosen not to take big risks or break out of my comfort zone. I’ve chosen to live in a cave for much of my life.
I lived in a cave because at some point I decided it was wrong to be BIG and loud and arrogant and alive. I lived in a cave because I took my cues from the people who were ambivalent about me instead of taking my cues from the people who loved me like crazy. I lived in a cave because I handed out scoring sheets and asked everyone to score me and then I paid special attention to the NOT VERY SATISFIED CUSTOMERS and ignored the people who said, “We love the fuck out of you, five stars, keep up the good work!”
This is what I see in you, Too Many Questions. You have chosen the life of the cave dweller. Stop reading the tea leaves of indifferent male faces and get the fuck on with your life. I know you want love. Love will find you eventually, some time after you stop asking questions and start answering them. Stop asking indifferent st